He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize