I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
