This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
