youre lurking in front of me
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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