you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
