I wanna bring you to show and tell
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
