it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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