I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
