wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
