I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
