Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
