did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I deserve this hangover.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
