Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
