I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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