He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
