I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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