if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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