Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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