I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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