my sisters under your porch take her home
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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