Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
