She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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