Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
