A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
