You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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