I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
