It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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