My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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