Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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