I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
