Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
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