Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
