break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Randomize
