I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
