TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
