Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize