made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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