I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
