The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
