we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize