Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
