If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
