; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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