She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
