I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
