I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
