can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
