That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
