For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
