He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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