i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
