On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
