I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
