I'm gonna have a badass scar
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
