I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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