im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Is it because I queefed?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
