I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
