I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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