wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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