Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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