dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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