yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
