This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
