Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
