so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
