Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
