And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
