There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
