my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
